I have talked about this before; that, for some time now, I have dropped any kind of conventional meditation practice.
I believe it is a natural progression of spiritual practice, that at some point we open our eyes and everyday life becomes meditation.
A part of this everyday mediation, and an intrinsic practice in my own life, weaving through my version of Self-Care, is getting amongst the community on a busy weekend morning.
Sitting at a bustling café with a coffee or green tea, and taking part in one of my favourite activities; People Watching.
Sounds creepy right? Depends how you do it I guess! (insert laughter).
The reason why it has become a favourite pastime in recent years? Practical Meditation.
I firmly believe that if you can find peace and beauty while standing in-line at a busy café waiting for coffee, then you can bring patience anywhere you go; We bring a certain energy with us wherever we go, and any situation or environment can be an empty field or a full prison, depending entirely on our perspective.
and perspective is everything.
Noticing the intricacies of every day life you truly start to see that there are indeed, No Ordinary Moments.
All the smells of the café, the tastes of your food, the patterns of conversation, the soft breeze around you, the patterns of fur of passing dogs, the wonder and amazement of young children experiencing bliss at things we often take for granted. Getting in tune with all that jazz.
I just wanted to share with you all, one of the Insights born from this mornings People Watching Meditations.
…Growing up, and experiencing various close relationships with the opposite sex as a young man, I, like most other young men, would eventually face the dreaded, anxiety driven moment of truth when meeting my girlfriends parents for the first time:
What will they think?
Will I fit into their idea of approval?
is there such thing when dating their daughter?
Do I care?
Turns out, as rebellious as I was as a youth, I did care, even if I didn’t know until that moment.
Even as a teenager, and a young man, I had this awareness, I always found it funny the Rite of Passage of all young people was the gauntlet of trials they faced when meeting family.
The Dad, with gruff and imposing staunchness of the protector.
The Mum who just wants the best for her daughter, acting as the mediator between Boy and Father.
The Uncle, who though although staunch in his protection of his niece, has fun with it, stirring the pot and relishing in the outcome.
Well today, at the age of 31, I’ve grown to appreciate that, not having my own father in the picture growing up, I had to learn this stuff mostly on my own, it was more lessons in the school of life, and my appreciation came from a place of respect, for parents who actually gave a damn, fulfilling the role of the guardian, in which every parent should live up to.
I sat and watched, as a small family made up of Father, Mother, Teenage Daughter and her Boyfriend who were holding hands and glancing at each other admirably, strolled along the footpath, as they split up to visit different shops, the Daughter followed her mother, and as the Boyfriend instinctively followed his love, he switch-footed and ran across the road to join the father, nervously laughing, but the father accepting his company with no reservations.
This is where my insight came together, like most things in life, a jigsaw puzzle forming a larger picture.
I completely understand the protective stance of a father and daughter, and vice versa with mother and son too. but I guess only to certain extent until I have a daughter myself. But in this small family unit, I saw something totally different from my own experiences.
An accepting respect for both parties (mind you this young dude looked like a good kid, and didn’t have crudely scribbled tattoos on his neck and arm like I did when I was courting girls at a young age; which I eventually got removed, taking my bad boy energy with it).
My insights are just that, a deep, universal message flashes into existence and I derive a message from it over time.
I wondered, if more fathers spent the time to accept and meet young men attempting to court their daughters, at their level, and instead of testing them, and passive aggressively but non-harmfully threatening them at every turn (from a place of love and concern), working toward creating a loving, supportive acceptance of this new relationship, would we see more successful, positive relationships in young people?
I don’t need to be a father to see that if we changed this narrative and focused on understanding this young person, that respect would be built between them, ultimately nurturing more self-worth in the young man, in-turn supporting him to treat the Daughter with more respect, love, and support.
Why does this classic Rite of Passage have to be so hard?
If a young man, learned this kind of respect and rapport in his first relationship, he would then carry that into every other new relationship, there would be mutually respectful boundaries, and less hurt caused by factors such as cheating and domestic abuse, which both come from issues around self-worth, respect, and feelings of inferiority, insecurity & lack of support and trust.
Instead of Two Opposing Sides, a United Front is better.
Love does not have to be a battlefield, but instead a journey of discovery for all people involved.
As with most of my insights. They are merely a different perspective, take some, leave some. It’s entirely up to you.
Thankyou for reading.
Create a Nice Day.